Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A Journey to Something New

So for the first post I thought I would start with a bit about me and blogging for (sorta) the first time.

Generally my online days started a long time ago on Fanfiction.net (FFN). I had started writing a bit during high school when I was bored and eventually moved to do a bit of fanfiction and posted it on FFN. Though I was generally a very new writer it wasn't a place that was good for giving a lot of helpful feedback.

Eventually, I decided that I wanted to try to expand my writing to some new places so I went to Google to search for fanfiction websites. That is where one of the first places I saw was Fanlib. It looked like a great site and after checking it out for a bit I decided to join. It was interesting since not only could you post fanfiction, but you could post original stories, poetry, and pictures. It seemed like the perfect place to expand my writing skills. And I was correct.

Fanlib was a place where people did more than just ask you to update. They gave corrections and helpful tips about how to become a better writer and after spending some time there I did. I had even moved to start posting in the forums and getting to know some of the other fanlibbers. Soon I had become great friends with many of them.

After a while on fanlib a group of newcomers came from another site that was closing down. Fanlib opened it's doors to them and helped them to become comfortable with a new place. Many of us helped out as well. Seeing as we could only imagine what it would be like to lose our online home. Many of us had thought of Fanlib as a home and though many people don't seem to get the love of a place like that, us fanlibbers did very well. Unfortunatly, we soon felt the reality of what our online home closing would feel like.

On July 23, 2008, Fanlib announced that they would be closing their doors. It was a time of panic for many of us fanlibbers. We began to overload the forums with questions as to why. But to this day there has never been given a real reason to the closure. Many of us flocked to new places and tried to find ways in which we would be able to keep in touch. The last thing we wanted was to lose the valuble friendships we had all made through our love of writing. Sadness had filled us all as the closing date grew near and several of us closed our accounts prematurly, wanting to feel as if we had some ounce of control over it.

Even though the community was online it was a place where we could all talk about common intrests and share the inner mechinisms of our minds with people who would understand us.

When Fanlib officially closed some fanlibbers announced the plan to make a new fanfiction site. A place where we could all go and keep in touch with old friends. And they wanted me and another friend to be mods on the site. It sounded too good to be true. And as it seems when such events happen that is when the drama comes out in full force. Lies were told and friends were lost. Some simple insults grew into a full fledged war. So much had happened in so little time. And I will share a bit of that time with you.

A new forum was created as a place for the Fanlib Refugees could hang out until the new site was formed (FanNation). And many of use spent a lot of time there continuing conversations from fanlib and enjoying each other's company. However things can get out of control fast and many times it happens when I am not even there for the beginning.

I had been told one day that someone had said some insulting things about me in one of the forums. They gave me the link and I went to check it out. After all I don't think it was fair for them to say things about me when I am not even there to defend myself. Luckily I did have some amazing friends who defended me. However what I didn't see where the supposed insults. The mod had erased half of the stuff going on. And though I understand the general idea for it, it annoyed me that I couldn't even find out what was being said. I posted my concern about that and let it go. I never got along real well with this person and I really didn't want to fight at the time. A friend of minde headed to LiveJournal to get out her frustration. This is something she does a lot because she feels as if it is a safe place to do so.

Apparently thats not true. My friend was verbally attacked by one of the other mods who it didn't even concern. And as she came to defend me before, I did the same for her. However this person continued to fight with the two of us and brought it back to the Refugees site. After a while we both cooled off and just decided to let the whole thing go. That is around the time another friend of mine had informed me that the admins of the new site wanted to replace me and the other friend as mods.

We both blew up after that. It was bad enough that we were put into this drama, but then they didn't even bother to tell us via e-mail. So we both had thought about not going to the new site. And of course one of the admins noticed us talking in the forums and e-mailed us. They went on about some nonsense that didn't really make any sense and said that they didn't officially make us mods. To which we both decided we didn't want to be anyway. We had also mentioned that if we are to be unconsidered from the job then the other party should be too. Seeing as they were fighting with us. However apparently that is not the same thing and they decided that they were above us. Though there was much more going on then just what is stated, this could be a book by the time I am done.

Anyway, these admins of the new site used to be friends of ours, but after all of the drama that went on we had lost our respect for them and couldn't possibly be friends with them. We both made the decision that we didn't want to be a part of the new website when we can't trust the people running it. And we went on our way.

After all of that drama I found my way to several other sites. I had spent a lot of time on Gaiaonline and occasionally FFN. But I had kept in touch with many friends from Fanlib via AIM and MySpace. So it was alright for a while.

However one day a non online related tragedy happended to me. A good friend of mine and my best friends fiance, died in a car accident. His friend was driving the car drunk and lost control. My friend was the only one who didn't make it. I was clearly upset and it was one of the few times that I desperatly needed to talk to someone. A friend of mine from Fanlib was on and though she is one of the people I talk to the least after Fanlib, I needed her. I had tried to talk and when I said I was upset she just replied that she didn't have time for that crap. As if I wasn't upset enough already, she had made it so much worse. She was a friend of mine and I am someone who almost never goes to others for help. I am too stubborn for that sometimes. However she had brushed me off like she didn't care about my feelings.

Luckily another friend had got online and she talked to me a for a while and calmed me down. But I never forgot how that one friend hurt me. I had even stopped trying to talk to her. I don't need friends like that, especially when they act like that in a time of need. Not to mention that she had done similar things to another friend.

That all had happened about 3 months ago. And I still don't really talk to that friend and I don't intend to again. And though many things have happened over that long period of time I did get quite a few good poems out of it. Some I may just put up here for people to read. But sometimes that is how I look at life. Another experiance I can use in my writing.


  1. Yay new blog. :D

    "But sometimes that is how I look at life. Another experiance I can use in my writing."

    That's how I feel sometimes too. At least drama can result in an poem or story. XD

  2. Whew a lot to rehash. I miss Fanlib and how close everyone used to be. *hugs*

  3. I know. Me too. And about half way through writing I knew it was going to be long. XD

  4. *hugs*
    I seriously miss Fanlib... that place was my home. Things used to be so much different. I can't believe it just ended the way it did... it's just not fair..

    && I'm sorry about everything that has happened to you beauty. You really don't desere all of that crap. You are one of the most amazing people ever.

    I'm glad you got some inspiration from all of it though. I'm like that too, my best stuff comes from real life. :]

    *hugs again* Beastly Beauty :]